How to Increase Your Child’s Independence During Distance Learning (so you can actually get something else done during the day!)
Like most things this year, the start to the school year hasn’t quite turned out as expected. Many of us are still stuck at home. With our children. And just like last spring, we find ourselves still struggling to manage our child’s distance learning while holding down our own jobs.
So many parents that I work with are saying the same things:
“I don’t know how to be a teacher!”
“I feel like my child’s 1:1 aide”
“I didn’t sign up for this!”
“Something’s got to give. My work is suffering because I have to sit right next to my child the whole day.”
Unfortunately, I don’t have a silver bullet. This is hard. You cannot be your child’s full-time teacher and work from home full-time.
The good news is that there are some small changes you can make to increase your child’s independence during distance learning so that you can actually get some work done throughout the day.
Manage Expectations
This is probably the most difficult step. There’s a lot of pressure in our society to be perfect. But I’ll say it again, you cannot be your child’s full-time teacher and work from home full-time. It’s time to think critically about some realistic expectations for your child during this time. This will be different for everyone. For some children, the expectation might be that they sit in the chair and look at the computer for 10 minutes, four times throughout the day. For other children, the expectation might be that they actively participate in all of their distance learning classes. Be realistic. What can your child currently do without your assistance? Start there. Don’t raise the bar. Once you experience success with the current expectations then you can raise the bar down the road.
Set Expectations
Once you’ve landed on the current expectation, find a time to sit down with your child to share this with them. Be clear and concise with your communication. Now is a great time to use a visual. Write down your expectation and put it on their desk as a reminder. If your child can’t read, draw it out.
Catch Them Being Good!
Do you feel like you spend your whole day yelling at your child? Telling them what NOT to do? Well, it’s time to switch that. Your attention is powerful. Instead of giving your child attention for the bad things, it’s time to attend to them for the good things. Set a timer to remind yourself, put up a post-it note that says “Catch them being good!”; do what you need to do to make this a daily habit. Better yet, set a goal for you to reinforce your child at least once every hour or more.
You want to reinforce your child throughout the day for meeting the expectation. See her sitting in her chair, give a quick thumbs up. Hear him answer the teacher’s question, “Nice work honey!”. Catch him doing a math problem, “I like how you’re working so quietly”.
This would be a great time to implement a token system or star chart. When you start to praise your child for the good behaviors, you’ll start to see a shift. Over time, you’ll see more and more of the good behaviors, and less of the bad behaviors.
Now, take a deep breath. And pat yourself on the back for showing up.
Want some more tips on how to increase your child’s independence during distance learning? Reach out to schedule a free phone consultation.
About Me
Alissa Greenberg, PhD, BCBA-D, has extensive experience working with parents and helping them address their child’s challenging behaviors. As a licensed psychologist and Board Certified Behavior Analyst at the doctoral level, Alissa uses Behavioral Parent Training when working with families in the Bay Area and beyond. She’s also available for telehealth parent training sessions for families throughout CA. Contact her at info@focusedbehavioralsolutions.com or 925-800-3398 to schedule a free consultation.
Please note that many states are waiving state licensure requirements during COVID-19. This means that you might be able to work with a licensed psychologist who lives in another state. If you have questions, please reach out.
This blog is not intended as therapeutic or clinical advice. If you’re in need of support, please consider speaking to a professional.