Transitions are difficult for all of us. I don’t know about you, but there are certain transitions I almost never look forward to (e.g., that blaring alarm clock telling me it’s time to get out of bed before the sun is up and go workout). Now imagine being a toddler and your mom is yelling at you to turn the TV off and wash your hands for dinner. Yeah right?! You can all but guarantee that this is not going to go over well.
First, it’s important to recognize that it’s developmentally appropriate for children to struggle with transitions. However, just because this is part of typical child development, does not mean that you should throw your hands up in the air and say “Oh well! I guess transitions will just be a nightmare for the next five years.”
There are steps you can take to make transitions easier for the whole family.
Tip #1: Give a Warning
Imagine that you’re on the beach, reading your favorite book. The sun is gently kissing your shoulders, the sand is soft beneath your fingers, and the sound of the waves can be heard in the background. This is your happy place. Now imagine, that all of the sudden, someone comes and shakes you by the shoulders and rips the book out of your hands. They tell you to pack up your bag, head inside, and start cooking dinner for a family of five. How are you feeling now? Probably not too pleased.
But what if the transition wasn’t as abrupt? What if someone had told you that in five minutes it would be time to go inside?
I definitely would have preferred the second scenario. Transitioning warnings can also help children. About five minutes before the transition, get your child’s attention, and clearly state that the transition is coming up: “Sofia, you have five more minutes painting, and then it’s time to wash your hands”. When there’s one-minute left, give a 1-minute warning, “Sofia, one more minute and then it’s time to wash your hands.” Verbal warnings let your child know what to expect and make the transitions less abrupt.
When time’s up, simply state what’s next, “Time’s up, it’s time to wash your hands”. Keep in mind, that you want to give your instructions as a statement instead of as a question. Read more about how to give clear instructions here.
Tip #2: Set a Timer
If your child needs additional support, set a timer. Nowadays, we all have easy access to timers on our phones. The timer acts as a nice visual and lets your child check to see how much time is remaining without you needing to remind them. I also like using the timer because it helps transfer some of the bad news from me to the timer. The timer becomes the cue to transition tasks, instead of your nagging.
Tip #3: Use a Visual Schedule
A visual schedule can help many children who struggle with transitions. A schedule lets your child know what to expect throughout the day, often minimizing your child’s anxiety about what’s coming next. When making the schedule, think about how to order the activities. Try to avoid transitioning from your child’s most favorite activity to their least preferred activity. Instead, order their schedule so that their favorite activity comes AFTER a less preferred activity. Check out this video to see how you can make an easy schedule for your child. Good news - it doesn’t require a bunch of materials or a lot of time.
Tip #4: Celebrate Successes
Let’s say your child always struggles with transitioning away from the TV. And then, one night, you give her a warning, the timer goes off, and she magically turns off the TV without a fight. This is time for celebration! Make sure to let your child know how proud you are. Give them specific praise, “Sofia, thanks so much for listening to me when I said it was time to turn off the TV!”. Every now and then, you might even want to pair your praise with a tangible reinforcer. Pick something small that your child doesn’t get all the time (e.g., a sticker, 5 minutes of extra free play, or tickles).
Tip #5: Practice
Lastly, take the time to practice transitions. We often avoid things that are difficult. But the more we avoid transitions the more difficult they’ll be. On a day when you have more energy, set a goal for yourself (Today I’ll practice transitions 5 times). The more exposure you and your child get to transitions, the easier they’ll become for everyone involved.
I hope you found these tips helpful in making transitions tolerable.
If you’re interested in learning more or want to schedule a time to talk about your specific concerns feel free to contact me for a free phone consultation.
About Me
Alissa Greenberg, PhD, BCBA-D, has extensive experience working with parents and helping them address their child’s challenging behaviors. As a licensed psychologist and Board Certified Behavior Analyst at the doctoral level, Alissa uses Behavioral Parent Training when working with families in the Bay Area and beyond. She’s also available for telehealth parent training sessions for families throughout CA. Contact her at info@focusedbehavioralsolutions.com or 925-800-3398 to schedule a free consultation.
Please note that many states are waiving state licensure requirements during COVID-19. This means that you might be able to work with a licensed psychologist who lives in another state. If you have questions, please reach out.
This blog is not intended as therapeutic or clinical advice. If you’re in need of support, please consider speaking to a professional.